Letting Go of the Reigns

The person who really does begin to move is the person who has had his final despair over himself, and has come to see quite clearly by the Holy Spirit's illumination that it is "no longer I, but Christ"—'Not what I am, O Lord, but what Thou art, that, that alone, can be my soul's true rest': Thy love, not mine; Thy peace, not mine; Thy rest, not mine; Thy everything, nothing of mine; Thyself! That is the essential foundation of spiritual growth, spiritual knowledge, spiritual education. " T. Austin Sparks


For me personally, I despair over my inability and feelings of insignificance and limitations. The Apostle Paul said he gloried in his inabilities because he knew that in his weakness Christ's strength was made perfect. This is so drastically different from what we are taught in the world. We are taught that our weaknesses are bad, our failures and flaws need to be fixed so people will approve of us or deem us good...worthy. It is because of this belief that I am having such a hard time with letting go, giving up total control of my life. There are so many things that I would change about myself and my life that I feel actually hinder me from doing what I think needs to be done, or hinders me from having what I think would be the perfect life. When from God's view those very weaknesses are what allow HIM to work through me best, because truly when I am at an end of myself only then can I truly rely totally on him and it not be my power but HIS power, not be my wisdom but his widom, not my strength but his strength. HIS LIFE not mine in operation in me.

My husband is in a series right now entitled "Heavenly Minded, Earthly Good", It's bringing me face to face with how much control I want over my life. He said something in this message that really hit home with me. He said, "to be heavenly minded is when your soul becomes aware of the reality of it's position in Christ. Understanding this will cause you to look out at the world from where you dwell, which is in Christ, and no longer see the world out from your situations and earthly circumstances."

For so long I have looked out at the world through my circumstances. My circumstances are what have defined how I viewed myself and our church. I have always had this feeling of not having enough. Where our church is concerned I have often felt like God left us hanging, that there were so many things that we should be doing but can't because of lack of people, finances and resources. In my personal life for so long I have defined myself by my credit score. If it was good I felt better about myself, if it was bad I felt worse about myself. With this teaching I am coming to realize that having Christ be my life means that with God our strength, ability, power, wisdom, and accomplishments are not pluses, but in actuality they are hinderances to God being able to move in me and in our church. God is so other than man kind.


He actually views our human strengths as weaknesses because the better I am in an area the more apt I am to trust in my ability. That is why Paul said, "For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called.  But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.”

I say again God is so OTHER than Man Kind and as the Holy Spirit continues to reveal Christ as my life... I long for the day when I no longer despise my weaknesses but on the contrary count all my accomplishments as dung and ONLY glory in HIM!

The person who really does begin to move is the person who has had his final despair over himself, and has come to see quite clearly by the Holy Spirit's illumination that it is "no longer I, but Christ"—'Not what I am, O Lord, but what Thou art, that, that alone, can be my soul's true rest': Thy love, not mine; Thy peace, not mine; Thy rest, not mine; Thy everything, nothing of mine; Thyself! That is the essential foundation of spiritual growth, spiritual knowledge, spiritual education. " T. Austin Sparks


For me personally, I despair over my inability and feelings of insignificance and limitations. The Apostle Paul said he gloried in his inabilities because he knew that in his weakness Christ's strength was made perfect. This is so drastically different from what we are taught in the world. We are taught that our weaknesses are bad, our failures and flaws need to be fixed so people will approve of us or deem us good...worthy. It is because of this belief that I am having such a hard time with letting go, giving up total control of my life. There are so many things that I would change about myself and my life that I feel actually hinder me from doing what I think needs to be done, or hinders me from having what I think would be the perfect life. When from God's view those very weaknesses are what allow HIM to work through me best, because truly when I am at an end of myself only then can I truly rely totally on him and it not be my power but HIS power, not be my wisdom but his widom, not my strength but his strength. HIS LIFE not mine in operation in me.

My husband is in a series right now entitled "Heavenly Minded, Earthly Good", It's bringing me face to face with how much control I want over my life. He said something in this message that really hit home with me. He said, "to be heavenly minded is when your soul becomes aware of the reality of it's position in Christ. Understanding this will cause you to look out at the world from where you dwell, which is in Christ, and no longer see the world out from your situations and earthly circumstances."

For so long I have looked out at the world through my circumstances. My circumstances are what have defined how I viewed myself and our church. I have always had this feeling of not having enough. Where our church is concerned I have often felt like God left us hanging, that there were so many things that we should be doing but can't because of lack of people, finances and resources. In my personal life for so long I have defined myself by my credit score. If it was good I felt better about myself, if it was bad I felt worse about myself. With this teaching I am coming to realize that having Christ be my life means that with God our strength, ability, power, wisdom, and accomplishments are not pluses, but in actuality they are hinderances to God being able to move in me and in our church. God is so other than man kind.


He actually views our human strengths as weaknesses because the better I am in an area the more apt I am to trust in my ability. That is why Paul said, "For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called.  But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.”

I say again God is so OTHER than Man Kind and as the Holy Spirit continues to reveal Christ as my life... I long for the day when I no longer despise my weaknesses but on the contrary count all my accomplishments as dung and ONLY glory in HIM!

Your Days of Dread are Over!

Hello everyone, If you are facing a deadline or date right now that you're are afraid of and dreading the coming of this particular day, if  right now you can't see how the situation will turn out in your favor, let me offer you some insight into what I learned when I was in a similar situation. The first thing as a believer you should realize is YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this situation, Christ is with you. You are right now seated in Christ far above that circumstance. You ALREADY have victory IN CHRIST over that situation. There is a VERY REAL other side of your current situation that YOU can not see right now, but just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't real.

Consider for a minute how Christ dealt with situations. For instance, in the story of Jesus raising Lazurus from the dead found in John 11, on the way to raise Lazarus as Jesus and the disciples discussed his death, Jesus spoke of Lazarus as sleeping. To everyone else Lazarus was dead but from Christ' perspective he was asleep. When Jesus showed up after Lazarus had died everyone else was weeping, mourning and feeling defeated what was the outcome? Christ raised him from the dead. Let's take the story of Jesus and the disciples on the boat in the midst of the storm found in Mark 4. They thought they were going to die but from Christ' perspective they were going to the other side and he slept in the midst of the storm. In Mark 6 in the example of the 5000 who were hungry and needed to be fed all the disciples' minds could see was that they only had 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, and there was no way they could feed all those people. Christ had another perspective of the situation.

I know that these are all familiar stories and I am not trying to "hype" you up. What I want you to realize is the Person who helped, changed, fixed, and delivered in those situations is still alive today, and if you are born again HE lives on the inside of you RIGHT NOW, and you have access to HIS mind and perspective of YOUR situation RIGHT NOW. What YOU are currently seeing about your situation although it may be a fact is only one side of the situation. There is another higher view that God has of the situation that has not entered into your heart or mind. So you can either spend everyday leading up to that day/deadline worried about it OR... you can take one day at a time and allow Christ to be bread for you TODAY. You have enough Grace for TODAY. Experience him as such TODAY and then when tomorrow comes you will experience him then also. If you choose to worry by the time that day comes you will have spent so many days focused on the problem that in your mind the problem will be huge and God and his ability will be small, but if you can spend everyday with HIM focused on Christ by the time that day arrives you will have HIS view on the situation. The peace that we have in Christ is real and everything doesn't have to be going right in order for you to experience it. You can experience him and all HIS fullness RIGHT now right where you ARE.

If you are in the Atlanta area you really should visit Total Victory International Ministries. If you are not, I encourage you to visit our website www.totalvictoryexperience.com There are tons of messages online free for you there and also at our you tube page "The Total Victory Exp".

Be Encouraged Guys The Victory you have in Christ is real!

Eboni

Hello everyone, If you are facing a deadline or date right now that you're are afraid of and dreading the coming of this particular day, if  right now you can't see how the situation will turn out in your favor, let me offer you some insight into what I learned when I was in a similar situation. The first thing as a believer you should realize is YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this situation, Christ is with you. You are right now seated in Christ far above that circumstance. You ALREADY have victory IN CHRIST over that situation. There is a VERY REAL other side of your current situation that YOU can not see right now, but just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't real.

Consider for a minute how Christ dealt with situations. For instance, in the story of Jesus raising Lazurus from the dead found in John 11, on the way to raise Lazarus as Jesus and the disciples discussed his death, Jesus spoke of Lazarus as sleeping. To everyone else Lazarus was dead but from Christ' perspective he was asleep. When Jesus showed up after Lazarus had died everyone else was weeping, mourning and feeling defeated what was the outcome? Christ raised him from the dead. Let's take the story of Jesus and the disciples on the boat in the midst of the storm found in Mark 4. They thought they were going to die but from Christ' perspective they were going to the other side and he slept in the midst of the storm. In Mark 6 in the example of the 5000 who were hungry and needed to be fed all the disciples' minds could see was that they only had 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, and there was no way they could feed all those people. Christ had another perspective of the situation.

I know that these are all familiar stories and I am not trying to "hype" you up. What I want you to realize is the Person who helped, changed, fixed, and delivered in those situations is still alive today, and if you are born again HE lives on the inside of you RIGHT NOW, and you have access to HIS mind and perspective of YOUR situation RIGHT NOW. What YOU are currently seeing about your situation although it may be a fact is only one side of the situation. There is another higher view that God has of the situation that has not entered into your heart or mind. So you can either spend everyday leading up to that day/deadline worried about it OR... you can take one day at a time and allow Christ to be bread for you TODAY. You have enough Grace for TODAY. Experience him as such TODAY and then when tomorrow comes you will experience him then also. If you choose to worry by the time that day comes you will have spent so many days focused on the problem that in your mind the problem will be huge and God and his ability will be small, but if you can spend everyday with HIM focused on Christ by the time that day arrives you will have HIS view on the situation. The peace that we have in Christ is real and everything doesn't have to be going right in order for you to experience it. You can experience him and all HIS fullness RIGHT now right where you ARE.

If you are in the Atlanta area you really should visit Total Victory International Ministries. If you are not, I encourage you to visit our website www.totalvictoryexperience.com There are tons of messages online free for you there and also at our you tube page "The Total Victory Exp".

Be Encouraged Guys The Victory you have in Christ is real!

Eboni

I Have Had to Remind Myself of This Many Times.

Hello All,
I received a call today from someone who is in a very difficult situation. She like so many is facing the very likely possibility of a layoff, and the thoughts have begun to bombard her mind. You know the "what if" scenarios that our minds will so easily play over and over for us when we receive devastating news. What if I don't find another job, how will I pay my bills, how will I take care of my kids, what's going to happen. What if he leaves, what if I don't get well, what if they come get the car, what if they foreclose on the house, what if I can't come up with the money...what if...what if? I listened to her and I told her the same thing I have told myself many times. Regardless of what you are going through, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Christ is there with you and HIS GRACE is sufficient for you IN THIS situation. In YOUR weakness HIS strength is made perfect. All you can see right now is the storm. You can't see past the storm to the other side, but there is another side.

One of the things that I am observing about Christ is how calm and unaffected he was by wayward circumstances. He was the definition of Peace. The peace that he has is a heavenly, superior, peace. It is not affected by natural circumstances. He was able to sleep in the middle of a storm that was so intense the disciples thought they were going to die. They were bailing water and he was resting. Before he left to go be with the Father he left that peace with us (John 14:27). The same peace that allowed him to be on a boat asleep in the middle of a hurricane we now have as apart of our Salvation.

Most of the things we worry about are temporary situations. They are going to pass away. The mortgages we stress and worry about paying are going to pass away. The cars we cry over not being able to pay for are going to pass away. All the things that take so much of our time, energy, strength and joy are going to pass away. That is why Paul said to CHOOSE to think on the things that are eternal. (Philippians 4) Jesus also told us to LET not our HEARTS be troubled or afraid.You do this by on purpose focusing your mind on Christ and who HE is. Interrupt your emotions with the truth of God's word. The promises of God are real, they all find there Yes in Christ. You can stake your life on and rest in them. HE WILL GET YOU THROUGH, just like he got you through the last time.

I encourage you to visit our website http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com or our YouTube page "The Total Victory Exp" we have tons of messages free for you online that will help you during these times.
Be encouraged and KNOW that you are not alone,
Eboni

Hello All,
I received a call today from someone who is in a very difficult situation. She like so many is facing the very likely possibility of a layoff, and the thoughts have begun to bombard her mind. You know the "what if" scenarios that our minds will so easily play over and over for us when we receive devastating news. What if I don't find another job, how will I pay my bills, how will I take care of my kids, what's going to happen. What if he leaves, what if I don't get well, what if they come get the car, what if they foreclose on the house, what if I can't come up with the money...what if...what if? I listened to her and I told her the same thing I have told myself many times. Regardless of what you are going through, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Christ is there with you and HIS GRACE is sufficient for you IN THIS situation. In YOUR weakness HIS strength is made perfect. All you can see right now is the storm. You can't see past the storm to the other side, but there is another side.

One of the things that I am observing about Christ is how calm and unaffected he was by wayward circumstances. He was the definition of Peace. The peace that he has is a heavenly, superior, peace. It is not affected by natural circumstances. He was able to sleep in the middle of a storm that was so intense the disciples thought they were going to die. They were bailing water and he was resting. Before he left to go be with the Father he left that peace with us (John 14:27). The same peace that allowed him to be on a boat asleep in the middle of a hurricane we now have as apart of our Salvation.

Most of the things we worry about are temporary situations. They are going to pass away. The mortgages we stress and worry about paying are going to pass away. The cars we cry over not being able to pay for are going to pass away. All the things that take so much of our time, energy, strength and joy are going to pass away. That is why Paul said to CHOOSE to think on the things that are eternal. (Philippians 4) Jesus also told us to LET not our HEARTS be troubled or afraid.You do this by on purpose focusing your mind on Christ and who HE is. Interrupt your emotions with the truth of God's word. The promises of God are real, they all find there Yes in Christ. You can stake your life on and rest in them. HE WILL GET YOU THROUGH, just like he got you through the last time.

I encourage you to visit our website http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com or our YouTube page "The Total Victory Exp" we have tons of messages free for you online that will help you during these times.
Be encouraged and KNOW that you are not alone,
Eboni

LIFE Doesn't Consist in the Abundance of Things

My heart is really heavy, heavy because I see so many people hurting. We are living in the day where our economy is failing us. Jobs are unstable, which means money is unstable and when money is unstable it effects EVERYTHING. Health is effected because of stress, marriages are effected because of the stress of lack of money, violence increases because people in desperate situations do desperate things. I look around and I see so many people trusting in and looking to the wrong source for peace and happiness. As a society we feel SECURE because of our possessions, our jobs, our spouses and people, but when these things fail us and our spouses leave, our jobs end, our loved ones die...what are we left with. Do we have anything SOLID within us to keep us?

Contrary to what politicians promise it isn't going to get any better, it's only going to get worse. The economy isn't going to recover, the wars aren't going to stop. Storms and devastation and many other things were all prophesied by Christ and will increase until his return. He ISN'T causing them, God ISN'T causing them; FALLEN MANKIND is causing them. What do you do when the thing that is trying to fix the problem IS the problem? That is where we find ourselves as a nation. Politicians fill us with empty promises, they want to help but the truth is they don't know HOW to help because the real problem isn't war, violence or poverty; the real problem is a SOCIETY and CULTURE without GOD and without CHRIST.

Apart from GOD and HIS wisdom and understanding man is not capable of managing this planet OR even our own lives; and APART from Christ we have no access to GOD. We have a race of people on the planet who think they don't need God and certainly don't need Christ. When the truth is Christ is the only way to God, the only way to access his wisdom, life, strength, joy and peace.

So as a believer what do you do. How do you stay sane in the days that we are living in. You keep your eyes on CHRIST. Continue to learn of him. If you are in a church where man is the focus where you're told every Sunday what you aren't doing, what you need to change, what sin you need to stop in order for God to fellowship with you. Christ isn't the focus and you are being taught to focus on man. Get in a church where Christ is preached and HE is the center of every message. When you focus on HIM you begin to live by HIS mind, HIS wisdom, HIS strength, HIS joy HIS peace. Those things are NEVER shaken or effected by outward circumstances. Let HIM be your life. The only answer to the dilemma that we face as a society is CHRIST. He is the only thing solid that will not and can not be shaken in the days that are upon us.

I encourage you to visit our website http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com/ or our YouTube page "The Total Victory Exp" we have tons of messages free for you online that will help you during these times.

Stay Encouraged,
Eboni

My heart is really heavy, heavy because I see so many people hurting. We are living in the day where our economy is failing us. Jobs are unstable, which means money is unstable and when money is unstable it effects EVERYTHING. Health is effected because of stress, marriages are effected because of the stress of lack of money, violence increases because people in desperate situations do desperate things. I look around and I see so many people trusting in and looking to the wrong source for peace and happiness. As a society we feel SECURE because of our possessions, our jobs, our spouses and people, but when these things fail us and our spouses leave, our jobs end, our loved ones die...what are we left with. Do we have anything SOLID within us to keep us?

Contrary to what politicians promise it isn't going to get any better, it's only going to get worse. The economy isn't going to recover, the wars aren't going to stop. Storms and devastation and many other things were all prophesied by Christ and will increase until his return. He ISN'T causing them, God ISN'T causing them; FALLEN MANKIND is causing them. What do you do when the thing that is trying to fix the problem IS the problem? That is where we find ourselves as a nation. Politicians fill us with empty promises, they want to help but the truth is they don't know HOW to help because the real problem isn't war, violence or poverty; the real problem is a SOCIETY and CULTURE without GOD and without CHRIST.

Apart from GOD and HIS wisdom and understanding man is not capable of managing this planet OR even our own lives; and APART from Christ we have no access to GOD. We have a race of people on the planet who think they don't need God and certainly don't need Christ. When the truth is Christ is the only way to God, the only way to access his wisdom, life, strength, joy and peace.

So as a believer what do you do. How do you stay sane in the days that we are living in. You keep your eyes on CHRIST. Continue to learn of him. If you are in a church where man is the focus where you're told every Sunday what you aren't doing, what you need to change, what sin you need to stop in order for God to fellowship with you. Christ isn't the focus and you are being taught to focus on man. Get in a church where Christ is preached and HE is the center of every message. When you focus on HIM you begin to live by HIS mind, HIS wisdom, HIS strength, HIS joy HIS peace. Those things are NEVER shaken or effected by outward circumstances. Let HIM be your life. The only answer to the dilemma that we face as a society is CHRIST. He is the only thing solid that will not and can not be shaken in the days that are upon us.

I encourage you to visit our website http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com/ or our YouTube page "The Total Victory Exp" we have tons of messages free for you online that will help you during these times.

Stay Encouraged,
Eboni

And They Lived (Mostly) Happily Ever After

My husband and I celebrated our 13 year wedding anniversary this past June. We married June 6, 1998. Over all we have had a great marriage. I am really blessed, but even though I am married to a great man NO marriage is without it's problems. I think marriage and the whole nature of what it is means that there will be some difficulties. Think about it you are taking two separate individuals who decide to come together and create a unified life, The two become one.

One of the challenges that plagues my husband and I is the fact that we are COMPLETE opposites personality wise.  He is a mans man and I am a girly woman. He loves theme parks, bowling, trying different restaurants, and I love theater, plays, museums, romance flicks. I am very affectionate, he is NOT. He loves routine, I like to shake things up. So how do two TOTAL complete opposites make it work. Well for one we are unified in the things that matter most. Things like our Faith and beliefs about God, how we want to raise our children, and career goals. Those are the things that really matter where if we differed we would have some major issues. Secondly, we realized that we two individuals have to come together and make ONE NEW MAN.  We don't fully know what that NEW Man will look like but we are having a blast creating him. He is a combination of both my husband and I. I am committed to remain open to getting to know his world and try new things and he does the same for me. Doing that has made a huge difference in our relationship. Prior to doing this how we interacted with each other was greatly affected by our differences.  Once we realized that was a problem we both through communication and understanding realized we had to create a relationship where BOTH parties personalities are reflected and thrive. Now I can happily say that he is open to do things I like and I am open to do things he likes. We also both have committed to try NEW things that neither of us would normally do.

                               (John and I at Maggiano's on our Anniversary)

Keep in mind no marriage is perfect because it has two imperfect people involved, but you have to learn to focus on your partner's strengths. Actually take the time to ENJOY the things about him that you love. FOCUS on those. Many people miss out on enjoying their spouse because they spend so much time focused on what they don't like. He may not be affectionate, but maybe he loves to shower you with great gifts. He may not be as in to the word as you would want, but he is a great father. You may not be able to be a real housewife of Atlanta :-), but he loves to cook and will clean the house. Focus on the positives about your husband and you will see You two can live Mostly Happily Ever After. :-)

My husband and I celebrated our 13 year wedding anniversary this past June. We married June 6, 1998. Over all we have had a great marriage. I am really blessed, but even though I am married to a great man NO marriage is without it's problems. I think marriage and the whole nature of what it is means that there will be some difficulties. Think about it you are taking two separate individuals who decide to come together and create a unified life, The two become one.

One of the challenges that plagues my husband and I is the fact that we are COMPLETE opposites personality wise.  He is a mans man and I am a girly woman. He loves theme parks, bowling, trying different restaurants, and I love theater, plays, museums, romance flicks. I am very affectionate, he is NOT. He loves routine, I like to shake things up. So how do two TOTAL complete opposites make it work. Well for one we are unified in the things that matter most. Things like our Faith and beliefs about God, how we want to raise our children, and career goals. Those are the things that really matter where if we differed we would have some major issues. Secondly, we realized that we two individuals have to come together and make ONE NEW MAN.  We don't fully know what that NEW Man will look like but we are having a blast creating him. He is a combination of both my husband and I. I am committed to remain open to getting to know his world and try new things and he does the same for me. Doing that has made a huge difference in our relationship. Prior to doing this how we interacted with each other was greatly affected by our differences.  Once we realized that was a problem we both through communication and understanding realized we had to create a relationship where BOTH parties personalities are reflected and thrive. Now I can happily say that he is open to do things I like and I am open to do things he likes. We also both have committed to try NEW things that neither of us would normally do.

                               (John and I at Maggiano's on our Anniversary)

Keep in mind no marriage is perfect because it has two imperfect people involved, but you have to learn to focus on your partner's strengths. Actually take the time to ENJOY the things about him that you love. FOCUS on those. Many people miss out on enjoying their spouse because they spend so much time focused on what they don't like. He may not be affectionate, but maybe he loves to shower you with great gifts. He may not be as in to the word as you would want, but he is a great father. You may not be able to be a real housewife of Atlanta :-), but he loves to cook and will clean the house. Focus on the positives about your husband and you will see You two can live Mostly Happily Ever After. :-)

No my post is NOT about you but if the shoe fits wear it. ;-)

I saw a link on Facebook yesterday that said "No my status is not about you but if the shoe fits feel free to wear it". It had almost 500,000 likes. If you frequent twitter or Facebook I am sure you have either fallen into the category of thinking someones post was about you or had someone think YOU posted about them. I did a blog a few months back called "when you Assume you make a....out of you and me". This was one of my post popular blogs probably because so many people have been bit by assumptions.

Assuming is dangerous for many reasons but here are three. First, many times people respond or make decisions that can alter relationships based off assumptions with NO proof.  Sadly, there are some actions and words that can not be taken back. Secondly, assuming is a sign of pride. Think about it YOU think someone is talking about you... why? Are you the only person they know with this issue? Are you so important that you are the subject of all their conversation? There are so many reasons why a person could have said what they said that may not involve you. Pride says, "Oh they are talking about me". Lastly, assuming causes you to make emotional decisions and most decisions made out of emotions will be the wrong decision. Your head isn't clear to think properly. Take my advice JUST DON'T ASSUME :-). If you think something or wonder something go to the source.

Also, if you have an issue with someone on your page, don't post about it on Facebook.  I know we like to vent on Facebook but don't vent about people who are on your page, LOL :-). If you have something to say to a specific person say it to THAT person with a motive to restore peace. Consider this when YOU post about people on your page you will drive YOURSELF crazy thinking people's post are about you. Why... because most often people think others do what THEY themselves would do. So if you know you post about others you will think others are posting about you. Facebook is a great social outlet to keep you connected to family, friends, and associates, but it is not the avenue to have arguments with people. When used like that it becomes place of gossip and strife. That's when you get this silliness of people cussing each other out, gossiping about others and ending friendships/relationships over Facebook. I know we live in nosey, reality TV, crazed society but your personal affairs should not be aired out to the world. :-).

Enjoy the rest of your day,
EBONI

I saw a link on Facebook yesterday that said "No my status is not about you but if the shoe fits feel free to wear it". It had almost 500,000 likes. If you frequent twitter or Facebook I am sure you have either fallen into the category of thinking someones post was about you or had someone think YOU posted about them. I did a blog a few months back called "when you Assume you make a....out of you and me". This was one of my post popular blogs probably because so many people have been bit by assumptions.

Assuming is dangerous for many reasons but here are three. First, many times people respond or make decisions that can alter relationships based off assumptions with NO proof.  Sadly, there are some actions and words that can not be taken back. Secondly, assuming is a sign of pride. Think about it YOU think someone is talking about you... why? Are you the only person they know with this issue? Are you so important that you are the subject of all their conversation? There are so many reasons why a person could have said what they said that may not involve you. Pride says, "Oh they are talking about me". Lastly, assuming causes you to make emotional decisions and most decisions made out of emotions will be the wrong decision. Your head isn't clear to think properly. Take my advice JUST DON'T ASSUME :-). If you think something or wonder something go to the source.

Also, if you have an issue with someone on your page, don't post about it on Facebook.  I know we like to vent on Facebook but don't vent about people who are on your page, LOL :-). If you have something to say to a specific person say it to THAT person with a motive to restore peace. Consider this when YOU post about people on your page you will drive YOURSELF crazy thinking people's post are about you. Why... because most often people think others do what THEY themselves would do. So if you know you post about others you will think others are posting about you. Facebook is a great social outlet to keep you connected to family, friends, and associates, but it is not the avenue to have arguments with people. When used like that it becomes place of gossip and strife. That's when you get this silliness of people cussing each other out, gossiping about others and ending friendships/relationships over Facebook. I know we live in nosey, reality TV, crazed society but your personal affairs should not be aired out to the world. :-).

Enjoy the rest of your day,
EBONI

Smiling Through The Tears

There is one plus that I think comes from reality shows. The ability to see yourself from a different view. I sometimes watch reality shows and judge the women as IF I myself don't act like that at times. I am realizing (humble pie time) that I have some of the same issues as the women on these shows, I just don't have cameras following me around recording me :-).  Seriously, I wish that I could have a tape that I could play back and actually SEE myself in different situations. I am finding that how the situation went in my head is not always how it actually went. We as society judge these women but really are they that much different than we are. I mean, I may not cuss and fight but the core of what is causing them to act out is emotion, self preservation, love, passion, fear, anger, and at some point I feel all of those things.

At my church my husband (Pastor John Davis) is in the middle of a series of teachings called "The Lie" and "Possessing The Land" that are causing me to realize some tough things about myself. The biggest being I am to alive to what I think, and what I want. I am to attached to MY perspective and perspectives that differ from mine I consider WRONG. I see the world as black and white, right and wrong. What is wrong with that is many times what is black and white, right and wrong are often times SUBJECTIVE. That is what lead me to box people in. I am in a good place right now. I am loving this teaching because it's causing me to see ME. That is what spawned the "yes month". I cried alot today, but now I am smiling through the tears. Sometimes you have to face tough things about yourself and eat alot of humble pie, but it's all for your good. What is even better is I recently realized these things about myself but GOD has known all along and loved me no less. My husband, family and friends have known too and loved me no less. For that I am eternally grateful ;-) THANK GOD FOR GRACE!

For more info on our church or to hear some of the teachings that are making such a difference in my life, visit http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com/ or check out our youtube channel, The TotalVictoryExperience.

There is one plus that I think comes from reality shows. The ability to see yourself from a different view. I sometimes watch reality shows and judge the women as IF I myself don't act like that at times. I am realizing (humble pie time) that I have some of the same issues as the women on these shows, I just don't have cameras following me around recording me :-).  Seriously, I wish that I could have a tape that I could play back and actually SEE myself in different situations. I am finding that how the situation went in my head is not always how it actually went. We as society judge these women but really are they that much different than we are. I mean, I may not cuss and fight but the core of what is causing them to act out is emotion, self preservation, love, passion, fear, anger, and at some point I feel all of those things.

At my church my husband (Pastor John Davis) is in the middle of a series of teachings called "The Lie" and "Possessing The Land" that are causing me to realize some tough things about myself. The biggest being I am to alive to what I think, and what I want. I am to attached to MY perspective and perspectives that differ from mine I consider WRONG. I see the world as black and white, right and wrong. What is wrong with that is many times what is black and white, right and wrong are often times SUBJECTIVE. That is what lead me to box people in. I am in a good place right now. I am loving this teaching because it's causing me to see ME. That is what spawned the "yes month". I cried alot today, but now I am smiling through the tears. Sometimes you have to face tough things about yourself and eat alot of humble pie, but it's all for your good. What is even better is I recently realized these things about myself but GOD has known all along and loved me no less. My husband, family and friends have known too and loved me no less. For that I am eternally grateful ;-) THANK GOD FOR GRACE!

For more info on our church or to hear some of the teachings that are making such a difference in my life, visit http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com/ or check out our youtube channel, The TotalVictoryExperience.

Experience #1 of Just Say Yes :-)

Yesterday I had the first experience of what I call "Just Say Yes Month". I blogged about it in an earlier blog so refer to the blog entitled "Just Say Yes". My son asked if we could go to the movies as a family. Normally I don't do kid movies. I find them boring and I don't enjoy them SO I never took them to the movies. I let their grandmother and God- Mother take them, but my son told me he wanted to see Kung Fu Panda and a friend of the family offered to take him and my daughter, but he asked if we could go as a family and I said ......YES! So we went to the movies and saw it in 3D. It was actually good. I really allowed myself to get into it and enjoy it and I have to tell you seeing a big fat Panda do Kung FU, and do it well might I add, was kind of cool. I even laughed at some of the jokes. So I was not disappointed in the movie but the biggest joy and best part of the experience was seeing my kids. My daughter sat next to my husband and My son sat next to me. They were so happy to have both parents at a movie with them. They really enjoyed it and therefore I really enjoyed it. So my days of saying no to all kid movies are over. My kids are 7 and 8 and I have only gone to 1 movie with them. THEY have gone to lots of movies but not with me. So day 2 of the "JUST SAY YES" experiment was a complete success. :)

Yesterday I had the first experience of what I call "Just Say Yes Month". I blogged about it in an earlier blog so refer to the blog entitled "Just Say Yes". My son asked if we could go to the movies as a family. Normally I don't do kid movies. I find them boring and I don't enjoy them SO I never took them to the movies. I let their grandmother and God- Mother take them, but my son told me he wanted to see Kung Fu Panda and a friend of the family offered to take him and my daughter, but he asked if we could go as a family and I said ......YES! So we went to the movies and saw it in 3D. It was actually good. I really allowed myself to get into it and enjoy it and I have to tell you seeing a big fat Panda do Kung FU, and do it well might I add, was kind of cool. I even laughed at some of the jokes. So I was not disappointed in the movie but the biggest joy and best part of the experience was seeing my kids. My daughter sat next to my husband and My son sat next to me. They were so happy to have both parents at a movie with them. They really enjoyed it and therefore I really enjoyed it. So my days of saying no to all kid movies are over. My kids are 7 and 8 and I have only gone to 1 movie with them. THEY have gone to lots of movies but not with me. So day 2 of the "JUST SAY YES" experiment was a complete success. :)

JUST SAY YES!

Well, I decided to borrow the idea from the Movie "Yes Man" and say YES to everything for a month. I say no to so many things and close myself off from a lot of different experiences, not sure why, no real reason. I guess you get so set in life and routine that you get STUCK there, but I want to shake things up a bit and see where it takes me. I used to be a very rigid person, rigid and set in my ways; and if you didn't fit into my box then you were not on my radar. Thank God for Grace. Since learning about GRACE I find that I am not as judgemental and close minded as I used to be. The world is a big place with so many different people and everyone has a story. Who am I to judge and discredit people because they don't fit into my box. So for the next month I plan to JUST SAY YES. If a friend ask me to go to a Thai restaurant my answer will be yes, if the kids ask to come play kickball as opposed to doing another load of laundry yes, try a new genre of movies, yes...I may even go see Thor with my husband and son instead of the next romance flick. You get the point, my plan is to say yes to everything especially things that I would normally say no to and see where it takes me. :-) I will definitely blog about it so stay tuned.
ILUVMESUMU,

Foreverforgiven1 

Well, I decided to borrow the idea from the Movie "Yes Man" and say YES to everything for a month. I say no to so many things and close myself off from a lot of different experiences, not sure why, no real reason. I guess you get so set in life and routine that you get STUCK there, but I want to shake things up a bit and see where it takes me. I used to be a very rigid person, rigid and set in my ways; and if you didn't fit into my box then you were not on my radar. Thank God for Grace. Since learning about GRACE I find that I am not as judgemental and close minded as I used to be. The world is a big place with so many different people and everyone has a story. Who am I to judge and discredit people because they don't fit into my box. So for the next month I plan to JUST SAY YES. If a friend ask me to go to a Thai restaurant my answer will be yes, if the kids ask to come play kickball as opposed to doing another load of laundry yes, try a new genre of movies, yes...I may even go see Thor with my husband and son instead of the next romance flick. You get the point, my plan is to say yes to everything especially things that I would normally say no to and see where it takes me. :-) I will definitely blog about it so stay tuned.
ILUVMESUMU,

Foreverforgiven1 

Are ALL women catty?

Yes ladies I am going there..... because as women we have this stereotype that follows us that we are all catty. I hear far to often when talking to women about friendships and their lack thereof what I call the famous line of women..."I don't have female friends because women are catty or women keep up to much mess" The thought that always comes to my mind is....aren't YOU a woman so does that mean you are catty and keep up mess? It's funny how we are classic for pointing the finger at others but unwilling to see the part that WE play in why women have such difficult times getting along. I believe the problem is that as women we are emotional and to often lead by what we feel. When led by feelings the focus is always on SELF.

One of the things I have learned when issues come up between me and another woman is....try and see the situation through her eyes. Forgiveness flows where there is understanding. This may sound simple but it makes a huge difference. This small gesture is a natural buffer against you and OFFENSE. It defuses situations naturally. A lot of the things that women argue over are easily fixable if we would try and see the situation through her eyes. Seeing it through her eyes detaches you from how you feel, gets the focus off of you, and allows you to see the full picture. As women we are very in touch with our feelings and how things make us feel, and many times our feelings will become our reality. They AREN'T reality but they are OUR reality. What we have to remember is emotions aren't fact they are just feelings trying to get you to move in a certain direction . Just because it FEELS real doesn't necessarily make it so. Pausing to see the situation through the other person's eyes helps you weed through the emotions of the situation and get to the root of what's really going on; taking account of both people's perspectives.


MANY of the catty arguments and fall outs we have with women on our job, in our churches, and other areas of our lives are small and EASILY fixable. The reason men don't argue and bicker like women is because they don't internalize everything emotionally. Only thinking about yourself in a situation and how YOU feel is why women have such a hard time getting along. We are to touchy and easily offended. That's why we have so many little issues that become mountains. I say this all the time, a "NENE" type personality works on TV but in real life, all that drama is toxic.

Smooches Lovely People :-),
Foreverforgiven1

Yes ladies I am going there..... because as women we have this stereotype that follows us that we are all catty. I hear far to often when talking to women about friendships and their lack thereof what I call the famous line of women..."I don't have female friends because women are catty or women keep up to much mess" The thought that always comes to my mind is....aren't YOU a woman so does that mean you are catty and keep up mess? It's funny how we are classic for pointing the finger at others but unwilling to see the part that WE play in why women have such difficult times getting along. I believe the problem is that as women we are emotional and to often lead by what we feel. When led by feelings the focus is always on SELF.

One of the things I have learned when issues come up between me and another woman is....try and see the situation through her eyes. Forgiveness flows where there is understanding. This may sound simple but it makes a huge difference. This small gesture is a natural buffer against you and OFFENSE. It defuses situations naturally. A lot of the things that women argue over are easily fixable if we would try and see the situation through her eyes. Seeing it through her eyes detaches you from how you feel, gets the focus off of you, and allows you to see the full picture. As women we are very in touch with our feelings and how things make us feel, and many times our feelings will become our reality. They AREN'T reality but they are OUR reality. What we have to remember is emotions aren't fact they are just feelings trying to get you to move in a certain direction . Just because it FEELS real doesn't necessarily make it so. Pausing to see the situation through the other person's eyes helps you weed through the emotions of the situation and get to the root of what's really going on; taking account of both people's perspectives.


MANY of the catty arguments and fall outs we have with women on our job, in our churches, and other areas of our lives are small and EASILY fixable. The reason men don't argue and bicker like women is because they don't internalize everything emotionally. Only thinking about yourself in a situation and how YOU feel is why women have such a hard time getting along. We are to touchy and easily offended. That's why we have so many little issues that become mountains. I say this all the time, a "NENE" type personality works on TV but in real life, all that drama is toxic.

Smooches Lovely People :-),
Foreverforgiven1

When You Assume you make an ....out of You and Me :-)

There is a saying "when you ASSUME you make an .... out of U and ME. It is a play on words but actually very true. When I started this blog I said my purpose was to allow others access into the things God has taught me as I am on the Journey of Life in Christ. One of the things that I have learned that I think would really help women is NOT to assume. I have found in my own personal life that it is best not to assume what a person feels, or why they feel a certain way, or to supply the why behind a person's action. There are 2 things wrong with assuming.

One, when you assume you always assume based on YOUR thoughts and how YOU would act. The problem with this train of thought is everyone is not like you. This is a lesson that I have learned and realized about myself through a dear friend of mine. He helped me to see that everyone doesn't fit in my little box. The world is a big place with all different kinds of people and I can't assume everyone thinks like me or would handle a situation how I would. Here is another BIG lesson I have learned....I also can't JUDGE or get upset with a person because they don't handle something how I think they should.

The second thing wrong with assuming is..... it places a judgement on a person and we aren't God so we only see in part. When we assume we ascribe a MOTIVE to someones actions and we really don't know a person's heart. We can't judge a person based on what WE perceive. They have a whole life outside of us and there are so many other reasons why they could have said what they said or done what they did that actually DON'T involve us.

Listen, here is what I know about the devil. He loves to keep strife and division among the brethren. He loves to see you fighting with your family members, church members, co-workers, people you know. He loves division and disorder, and a person's mind who assumes things is a playground for the enemy. I don't live my life like that. It is to stressful. I can't live wondering where my husband is, assuming he is doing this or that because he walked out the room to have a telephone conversation; or assuming this person was talking about me because of a post on Face Book, or even assuming I know WHY someone posted what they posted. Assuming this group of people doesn't like me because when I walked in the room they stopped talking. Assuming the Pastor is preaching on me because he said something in the message that hit home in my life. People that is exhausting and draining and it makes for a very unhappy life.

So what has God taught me? To go to the source. I am not saying ignore everything because that is not wise but I am saying before you allow your mind to run wild with assumptions just GO to the person and ask. Give people the benefit of the doubt. It is always better to just go to a person and ask. Ladies especially with men. Assuming is a HUGE pet peeve of men. When you treat them like you are the judge and jury without giving them a chance to explain. Trust me on this learning this will keep down so many arguments in your relationship. Give them an opportunity to explain before you jump the gun in your thinking. You will have a lot more peace if you learn this lesson. GIVE PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

Isn't that an attribute of love anyway?   LOVE ......thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1Cor 13:5-7 (emphasis added)
Love BELIEVES the BEST about people. We shouldn't always assume the worst about people. It's not fair to them. Adapting these priciples won't keep you from ever experienceing strife with people BUT it will keep strife out of YOUR heart and mind. You are only responsible for you and you don't want to live like that.

Smooches lovely people,
Foreverforgiven1
http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com/

There is a saying "when you ASSUME you make an .... out of U and ME. It is a play on words but actually very true. When I started this blog I said my purpose was to allow others access into the things God has taught me as I am on the Journey of Life in Christ. One of the things that I have learned that I think would really help women is NOT to assume. I have found in my own personal life that it is best not to assume what a person feels, or why they feel a certain way, or to supply the why behind a person's action. There are 2 things wrong with assuming.

One, when you assume you always assume based on YOUR thoughts and how YOU would act. The problem with this train of thought is everyone is not like you. This is a lesson that I have learned and realized about myself through a dear friend of mine. He helped me to see that everyone doesn't fit in my little box. The world is a big place with all different kinds of people and I can't assume everyone thinks like me or would handle a situation how I would. Here is another BIG lesson I have learned....I also can't JUDGE or get upset with a person because they don't handle something how I think they should.

The second thing wrong with assuming is..... it places a judgement on a person and we aren't God so we only see in part. When we assume we ascribe a MOTIVE to someones actions and we really don't know a person's heart. We can't judge a person based on what WE perceive. They have a whole life outside of us and there are so many other reasons why they could have said what they said or done what they did that actually DON'T involve us.

Listen, here is what I know about the devil. He loves to keep strife and division among the brethren. He loves to see you fighting with your family members, church members, co-workers, people you know. He loves division and disorder, and a person's mind who assumes things is a playground for the enemy. I don't live my life like that. It is to stressful. I can't live wondering where my husband is, assuming he is doing this or that because he walked out the room to have a telephone conversation; or assuming this person was talking about me because of a post on Face Book, or even assuming I know WHY someone posted what they posted. Assuming this group of people doesn't like me because when I walked in the room they stopped talking. Assuming the Pastor is preaching on me because he said something in the message that hit home in my life. People that is exhausting and draining and it makes for a very unhappy life.

So what has God taught me? To go to the source. I am not saying ignore everything because that is not wise but I am saying before you allow your mind to run wild with assumptions just GO to the person and ask. Give people the benefit of the doubt. It is always better to just go to a person and ask. Ladies especially with men. Assuming is a HUGE pet peeve of men. When you treat them like you are the judge and jury without giving them a chance to explain. Trust me on this learning this will keep down so many arguments in your relationship. Give them an opportunity to explain before you jump the gun in your thinking. You will have a lot more peace if you learn this lesson. GIVE PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

Isn't that an attribute of love anyway?   LOVE ......thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1Cor 13:5-7 (emphasis added)
Love BELIEVES the BEST about people. We shouldn't always assume the worst about people. It's not fair to them. Adapting these priciples won't keep you from ever experienceing strife with people BUT it will keep strife out of YOUR heart and mind. You are only responsible for you and you don't want to live like that.

Smooches lovely people,
Foreverforgiven1
http://www.totalvictoryexperience.com/

To Friend or Not To Friend That is the Question!

To Friend or Not to friend.......That is the Question. I have been doing a lot of thinking about friendship and friends. Probably because of where I am on my Journey of Life in Christ. I have experienced some people who I considered to be friends who actually turned out to not really be friends at all. One person I was wasn't surprised by the outcome of the relationship but a few I was really surprised and affected by the outcome. I think friendship and trust go hand in hand. You automatically trust that a friend or TRUE FRIEND has your best interest at heart and so your naturally TRUST your friends.

Anytime you trust someone you risk the possibility of getting hurt because trust requires that you let down your guard. It requires a level of vulnerability. Opening yourself up and being vulnerable is risky because it exposes you to the possibility of hurt. The sad thing about hurt is that once you have been hurt most people build a wall that grows every time they are hurt again. So by the time you look up, you could be living in this prison of hurt, and fear of being hurt that cuts you off from others. I have never wanted that to be me. I still don't want that to be me, even after being deeply hurt by a person I considered to be a true friend, I don't want to shut myself off from people. I want to remain open and unguarded, not build walls especially with those that I consider to be friends. Which is why I don't just call everyone a friend. I have many people that I talk to and many people that I am friendly with, many associates, but to get the title of FRIEND from me is a special thing.

So after this recent turn of events I am left with a choice. What am I going to do? Am I going to build up a wall and close myself off from people. Am I going to become mistrusting of all women and adopt the attitude of so many women. One that says "I don't like women they are to catty"? I am at a cross roads right now because I am TEMPTED to become guarded and not trusting and honestly I DON'T want to be like that. Being like that shuts you off from what I think is one of the greatest joys in life. Companionship...friendship. There are so many pros that come with a friend. Having someone to talk to, having someone who will love you good and bad, flaws and all. Having someone to depend on, to laugh with, hang out with, do the things you enjoy doing in life, like go dancing or see a movie or just chatting. People who will be there with you at every stage in life. To ME that is priceless. So I CHOOSE not to shut my self off from the possibility of that, because I have found that like all things when dealing with people.....people are people and they will make mistakes just as I will make mistakes. You have to be forgiving and forbearing but the PLUS of that to me far outweighs the risk.

This not only applies in friendships, but also in marriages and relationships, and family....all of the above. So I choose to remain open. :-) And in the meantime I am so appreciative of my BEST friend.....JESUS and my husband because he is a great friend. We have been through so much TOGETHER and he loves me anyway :-).

Enjoy your day and CHOOSE to stay open. :-)

foreverforgiven1
http://www.totalvictoryexperience.org/

To Friend or Not to friend.......That is the Question. I have been doing a lot of thinking about friendship and friends. Probably because of where I am on my Journey of Life in Christ. I have experienced some people who I considered to be friends who actually turned out to not really be friends at all. One person I was wasn't surprised by the outcome of the relationship but a few I was really surprised and affected by the outcome. I think friendship and trust go hand in hand. You automatically trust that a friend or TRUE FRIEND has your best interest at heart and so your naturally TRUST your friends.

Anytime you trust someone you risk the possibility of getting hurt because trust requires that you let down your guard. It requires a level of vulnerability. Opening yourself up and being vulnerable is risky because it exposes you to the possibility of hurt. The sad thing about hurt is that once you have been hurt most people build a wall that grows every time they are hurt again. So by the time you look up, you could be living in this prison of hurt, and fear of being hurt that cuts you off from others. I have never wanted that to be me. I still don't want that to be me, even after being deeply hurt by a person I considered to be a true friend, I don't want to shut myself off from people. I want to remain open and unguarded, not build walls especially with those that I consider to be friends. Which is why I don't just call everyone a friend. I have many people that I talk to and many people that I am friendly with, many associates, but to get the title of FRIEND from me is a special thing.

So after this recent turn of events I am left with a choice. What am I going to do? Am I going to build up a wall and close myself off from people. Am I going to become mistrusting of all women and adopt the attitude of so many women. One that says "I don't like women they are to catty"? I am at a cross roads right now because I am TEMPTED to become guarded and not trusting and honestly I DON'T want to be like that. Being like that shuts you off from what I think is one of the greatest joys in life. Companionship...friendship. There are so many pros that come with a friend. Having someone to talk to, having someone who will love you good and bad, flaws and all. Having someone to depend on, to laugh with, hang out with, do the things you enjoy doing in life, like go dancing or see a movie or just chatting. People who will be there with you at every stage in life. To ME that is priceless. So I CHOOSE not to shut my self off from the possibility of that, because I have found that like all things when dealing with people.....people are people and they will make mistakes just as I will make mistakes. You have to be forgiving and forbearing but the PLUS of that to me far outweighs the risk.

This not only applies in friendships, but also in marriages and relationships, and family....all of the above. So I choose to remain open. :-) And in the meantime I am so appreciative of my BEST friend.....JESUS and my husband because he is a great friend. We have been through so much TOGETHER and he loves me anyway :-).

Enjoy your day and CHOOSE to stay open. :-)

foreverforgiven1
http://www.totalvictoryexperience.org/