And They Lived (Mostly) Happily Ever After

My husband and I celebrated our 13 year wedding anniversary this past June. We married June 6, 1998. Over all we have had a great marriage. I am really blessed, but even though I am married to a great man NO marriage is without it's problems. I think marriage and the whole nature of what it is means that there will be some difficulties. Think about it you are taking two separate individuals who decide to come together and create a unified life, The two become one.

One of the challenges that plagues my husband and I is the fact that we are COMPLETE opposites personality wise.  He is a mans man and I am a girly woman. He loves theme parks, bowling, trying different restaurants, and I love theater, plays, museums, romance flicks. I am very affectionate, he is NOT. He loves routine, I like to shake things up. So how do two TOTAL complete opposites make it work. Well for one we are unified in the things that matter most. Things like our Faith and beliefs about God, how we want to raise our children, and career goals. Those are the things that really matter where if we differed we would have some major issues. Secondly, we realized that we two individuals have to come together and make ONE NEW MAN.  We don't fully know what that NEW Man will look like but we are having a blast creating him. He is a combination of both my husband and I. I am committed to remain open to getting to know his world and try new things and he does the same for me. Doing that has made a huge difference in our relationship. Prior to doing this how we interacted with each other was greatly affected by our differences.  Once we realized that was a problem we both through communication and understanding realized we had to create a relationship where BOTH parties personalities are reflected and thrive. Now I can happily say that he is open to do things I like and I am open to do things he likes. We also both have committed to try NEW things that neither of us would normally do.

                               (John and I at Maggiano's on our Anniversary)

Keep in mind no marriage is perfect because it has two imperfect people involved, but you have to learn to focus on your partner's strengths. Actually take the time to ENJOY the things about him that you love. FOCUS on those. Many people miss out on enjoying their spouse because they spend so much time focused on what they don't like. He may not be affectionate, but maybe he loves to shower you with great gifts. He may not be as in to the word as you would want, but he is a great father. You may not be able to be a real housewife of Atlanta :-), but he loves to cook and will clean the house. Focus on the positives about your husband and you will see You two can live Mostly Happily Ever After. :-)

My husband and I celebrated our 13 year wedding anniversary this past June. We married June 6, 1998. Over all we have had a great marriage. I am really blessed, but even though I am married to a great man NO marriage is without it's problems. I think marriage and the whole nature of what it is means that there will be some difficulties. Think about it you are taking two separate individuals who decide to come together and create a unified life, The two become one.

One of the challenges that plagues my husband and I is the fact that we are COMPLETE opposites personality wise.  He is a mans man and I am a girly woman. He loves theme parks, bowling, trying different restaurants, and I love theater, plays, museums, romance flicks. I am very affectionate, he is NOT. He loves routine, I like to shake things up. So how do two TOTAL complete opposites make it work. Well for one we are unified in the things that matter most. Things like our Faith and beliefs about God, how we want to raise our children, and career goals. Those are the things that really matter where if we differed we would have some major issues. Secondly, we realized that we two individuals have to come together and make ONE NEW MAN.  We don't fully know what that NEW Man will look like but we are having a blast creating him. He is a combination of both my husband and I. I am committed to remain open to getting to know his world and try new things and he does the same for me. Doing that has made a huge difference in our relationship. Prior to doing this how we interacted with each other was greatly affected by our differences.  Once we realized that was a problem we both through communication and understanding realized we had to create a relationship where BOTH parties personalities are reflected and thrive. Now I can happily say that he is open to do things I like and I am open to do things he likes. We also both have committed to try NEW things that neither of us would normally do.

                               (John and I at Maggiano's on our Anniversary)

Keep in mind no marriage is perfect because it has two imperfect people involved, but you have to learn to focus on your partner's strengths. Actually take the time to ENJOY the things about him that you love. FOCUS on those. Many people miss out on enjoying their spouse because they spend so much time focused on what they don't like. He may not be affectionate, but maybe he loves to shower you with great gifts. He may not be as in to the word as you would want, but he is a great father. You may not be able to be a real housewife of Atlanta :-), but he loves to cook and will clean the house. Focus on the positives about your husband and you will see You two can live Mostly Happily Ever After. :-)

No my post is NOT about you but if the shoe fits wear it. ;-)

I saw a link on Facebook yesterday that said "No my status is not about you but if the shoe fits feel free to wear it". It had almost 500,000 likes. If you frequent twitter or Facebook I am sure you have either fallen into the category of thinking someones post was about you or had someone think YOU posted about them. I did a blog a few months back called "when you Assume you make a....out of you and me". This was one of my post popular blogs probably because so many people have been bit by assumptions.

Assuming is dangerous for many reasons but here are three. First, many times people respond or make decisions that can alter relationships based off assumptions with NO proof.  Sadly, there are some actions and words that can not be taken back. Secondly, assuming is a sign of pride. Think about it YOU think someone is talking about you... why? Are you the only person they know with this issue? Are you so important that you are the subject of all their conversation? There are so many reasons why a person could have said what they said that may not involve you. Pride says, "Oh they are talking about me". Lastly, assuming causes you to make emotional decisions and most decisions made out of emotions will be the wrong decision. Your head isn't clear to think properly. Take my advice JUST DON'T ASSUME :-). If you think something or wonder something go to the source.

Also, if you have an issue with someone on your page, don't post about it on Facebook.  I know we like to vent on Facebook but don't vent about people who are on your page, LOL :-). If you have something to say to a specific person say it to THAT person with a motive to restore peace. Consider this when YOU post about people on your page you will drive YOURSELF crazy thinking people's post are about you. Why... because most often people think others do what THEY themselves would do. So if you know you post about others you will think others are posting about you. Facebook is a great social outlet to keep you connected to family, friends, and associates, but it is not the avenue to have arguments with people. When used like that it becomes place of gossip and strife. That's when you get this silliness of people cussing each other out, gossiping about others and ending friendships/relationships over Facebook. I know we live in nosey, reality TV, crazed society but your personal affairs should not be aired out to the world. :-).

Enjoy the rest of your day,
EBONI

I saw a link on Facebook yesterday that said "No my status is not about you but if the shoe fits feel free to wear it". It had almost 500,000 likes. If you frequent twitter or Facebook I am sure you have either fallen into the category of thinking someones post was about you or had someone think YOU posted about them. I did a blog a few months back called "when you Assume you make a....out of you and me". This was one of my post popular blogs probably because so many people have been bit by assumptions.

Assuming is dangerous for many reasons but here are three. First, many times people respond or make decisions that can alter relationships based off assumptions with NO proof.  Sadly, there are some actions and words that can not be taken back. Secondly, assuming is a sign of pride. Think about it YOU think someone is talking about you... why? Are you the only person they know with this issue? Are you so important that you are the subject of all their conversation? There are so many reasons why a person could have said what they said that may not involve you. Pride says, "Oh they are talking about me". Lastly, assuming causes you to make emotional decisions and most decisions made out of emotions will be the wrong decision. Your head isn't clear to think properly. Take my advice JUST DON'T ASSUME :-). If you think something or wonder something go to the source.

Also, if you have an issue with someone on your page, don't post about it on Facebook.  I know we like to vent on Facebook but don't vent about people who are on your page, LOL :-). If you have something to say to a specific person say it to THAT person with a motive to restore peace. Consider this when YOU post about people on your page you will drive YOURSELF crazy thinking people's post are about you. Why... because most often people think others do what THEY themselves would do. So if you know you post about others you will think others are posting about you. Facebook is a great social outlet to keep you connected to family, friends, and associates, but it is not the avenue to have arguments with people. When used like that it becomes place of gossip and strife. That's when you get this silliness of people cussing each other out, gossiping about others and ending friendships/relationships over Facebook. I know we live in nosey, reality TV, crazed society but your personal affairs should not be aired out to the world. :-).

Enjoy the rest of your day,
EBONI