What Is Really Going On In Our Marriage?

Hello everyone. I hope that as you are reading this you are having a good day or good evening. My prayer is that you are experiencing peace. The subject on my heart right now is marriage. Probably because my husband and I are Pastors and we deal with this issue a lot in our day to day life. We counsel and offer support and a listening ear to so many couples.  I always find myself really hoping that the couples work out their differences and reach a place of happiness in their lives together.

John and I have been married for 12 years and trust me it has not been and isn't always a bed of roses. Overall though, we have a really good marriage. Trust me in marriage you are going to make some mistakes. That's why I think the most important trait you can adapt in a marriage is a forgiving heart. Especially as women. We have to learn how to forgive and be peace makers.

I am definitely the peace maker in my house. I am married to a man's man. He is very stubborn and set in his ways. I am so thankful for his relationship with Christ because prior to him giving his heart to Jesus he was 10 x's worse. I mean we were married a whole year and he never apologized and when I say never  I mean NEVER. We would argue and he would just go on and I would always be the one going to him saying I am sorry in an effort to make peace. He would accept my apology and we would move on. In my mind though I would be thinking " now this joker owes me an apology too, I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING", but he never would. I will say he has changed and he apologizes more quickly now, but that has been a process. Even through that I don't remember ever having a guard up or a thick shell with him. I have always been the softer one. I notice a lot of the women today are so hard. They are hard in the relationship and have this independent mindset. They have this independent,  excuse my language, "n*gga I don't need you attitude", which they carry that into their marriages. I have always been one to believe that it is okay to be the softer or what today's woman might call the "weaker" person in the relationship. In my experience the marriages that last the longest and have the most peace are the ones where the women allow their husbands to be the MAN.

The bible says blessed are the peace makers for they shall be called children of God. As women I think it is an honor to be a peace maker, soft with your mate. A man doesn't want to feel like he is married to another man, someone who will cuss him like a dude, fight him like a dude, be as tough as a dude. We can diffuse a situation by humbling ourselves and being soft. Especially when we know the man is angry or to a certain point. As women we know how to push a man's buttons. Trust me I know what buttons to push with John. I know what to say and not say to him. I know him, so I know what is going to set him off. When we argue (yes Pastors argue too lol). When we argue I don't say certain things. I had to learn him and have made mistakes but once I learned something will set him off I don't say it. I am quick to apologize and break the silence barrier after an argument. I let my guard down with him and risk being the "weaker" person but it pays off. As women I think we have the ability to keep down a lot of arguments in our homes just by being willing to be softer with our men. We can't make them feel like we don't need them and they aren't anything. I am sorry a man has to feel like a man, and he wants to feel like a man from HIS woman. I think God created us like that. So I said all this to say...... I believe if we as women were willing to take the low road (which is really the high road) we could have much more peace in our relationships.

Now if you are reading this thinking I am whipped lol, that's fine, think that all day; but let me give you some insight into my life. I have been married 12 years. I am married to a man who will buy me anything I want, he doesn't make me work and even when I work my money is my money. He doesn't require me to pay any bills in this house. He has never called me out my name, and we don't get physical even in heated arguments. He has never hit me and I have never hit him. We never have silent treatments that last for more than an hour or two, and we are at peace with one another more than we argue. So If you can't say the same is true for your marriage then MAYBE, just MAYBE, I know a little about what I am talking about. :-). Trust me I am writing this with love because I want to see married couples having more days of peace with one another and this is a small habit that we can develope as women that would make a huge difference. So ladies I hope you still love me. :-) If you don't when you try this and notice a difference you will love me a lot more ;-).

Hello everyone. I hope that as you are reading this you are having a good day or good evening. My prayer is that you are experiencing peace. The subject on my heart right now is marriage. Probably because my husband and I are Pastors and we deal with this issue a lot in our day to day life. We counsel and offer support and a listening ear to so many couples.  I always find myself really hoping that the couples work out their differences and reach a place of happiness in their lives together.

John and I have been married for 12 years and trust me it has not been and isn't always a bed of roses. Overall though, we have a really good marriage. Trust me in marriage you are going to make some mistakes. That's why I think the most important trait you can adapt in a marriage is a forgiving heart. Especially as women. We have to learn how to forgive and be peace makers.

I am definitely the peace maker in my house. I am married to a man's man. He is very stubborn and set in his ways. I am so thankful for his relationship with Christ because prior to him giving his heart to Jesus he was 10 x's worse. I mean we were married a whole year and he never apologized and when I say never  I mean NEVER. We would argue and he would just go on and I would always be the one going to him saying I am sorry in an effort to make peace. He would accept my apology and we would move on. In my mind though I would be thinking " now this joker owes me an apology too, I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING", but he never would. I will say he has changed and he apologizes more quickly now, but that has been a process. Even through that I don't remember ever having a guard up or a thick shell with him. I have always been the softer one. I notice a lot of the women today are so hard. They are hard in the relationship and have this independent mindset. They have this independent,  excuse my language, "n*gga I don't need you attitude", which they carry that into their marriages. I have always been one to believe that it is okay to be the softer or what today's woman might call the "weaker" person in the relationship. In my experience the marriages that last the longest and have the most peace are the ones where the women allow their husbands to be the MAN.

The bible says blessed are the peace makers for they shall be called children of God. As women I think it is an honor to be a peace maker, soft with your mate. A man doesn't want to feel like he is married to another man, someone who will cuss him like a dude, fight him like a dude, be as tough as a dude. We can diffuse a situation by humbling ourselves and being soft. Especially when we know the man is angry or to a certain point. As women we know how to push a man's buttons. Trust me I know what buttons to push with John. I know what to say and not say to him. I know him, so I know what is going to set him off. When we argue (yes Pastors argue too lol). When we argue I don't say certain things. I had to learn him and have made mistakes but once I learned something will set him off I don't say it. I am quick to apologize and break the silence barrier after an argument. I let my guard down with him and risk being the "weaker" person but it pays off. As women I think we have the ability to keep down a lot of arguments in our homes just by being willing to be softer with our men. We can't make them feel like we don't need them and they aren't anything. I am sorry a man has to feel like a man, and he wants to feel like a man from HIS woman. I think God created us like that. So I said all this to say...... I believe if we as women were willing to take the low road (which is really the high road) we could have much more peace in our relationships.

Now if you are reading this thinking I am whipped lol, that's fine, think that all day; but let me give you some insight into my life. I have been married 12 years. I am married to a man who will buy me anything I want, he doesn't make me work and even when I work my money is my money. He doesn't require me to pay any bills in this house. He has never called me out my name, and we don't get physical even in heated arguments. He has never hit me and I have never hit him. We never have silent treatments that last for more than an hour or two, and we are at peace with one another more than we argue. So If you can't say the same is true for your marriage then MAYBE, just MAYBE, I know a little about what I am talking about. :-). Trust me I am writing this with love because I want to see married couples having more days of peace with one another and this is a small habit that we can develope as women that would make a huge difference. So ladies I hope you still love me. :-) If you don't when you try this and notice a difference you will love me a lot more ;-).

Eat, Pray, Love

So today I went with a friend of mine to see the movie" Eat, Pray, Love". It was a pretty good movie. I will say definitely a chick flick and to some, as my husband would say it may be "eyeball fall out boring". He says the movies I watch are shoot yourself boring. Well, I was intrigued by the concept of this movie when I saw the previews. The idea of being able to take a year off from life, travel and enjoy life, drew me in. Especially because of where I was in my life when I first saw the preview a few months back.

Some of you may not know but I am married to a Pastor. He is 33 and I am 31 and we do NOT live the life of a 30 year old. We have soooooo much responsibility on our shoulders, responsibility and pressure. Actually doing this job makes me respect exactly what Jesus accomplished. He was our age and had literally the weight of the world on his shoulders. Anyway, back to the movie. When I saw the preview I wanted to see it because at the time I wasn't enjoying life. I was bored, bored with the mundane of life. I was caught up in the day to day process of living and paying bills. (Let me put this disclaimer in here for my husband, TECHNICALLY I don't pay the bills he does, BUT......you get what I mean) LOL. Even as Pastors we can get so busy with the day to day of being a pastor, the business and behind the scenes of it all, that we get off focus of what's important. Thankfully God ministered to me and I am not in that place anymore.

So Liz (the character in the movie), realizes that she is unhappy and sets off to find herself. I actually think that is true of soooo many women. We either loose ourselves in our husbands, or life, raising a family, our jobs, you name it. Now I don't advocate taking a year off from life because we have people depending on us, BUT I am all for finding our true selves. Getting to know us.

I had gotten out of touch with me, kind of lost myself in John, my family, and my role as a wife and mother. Don't get me wrong my husband and children are the most important people to me, but I realized that I don't have to loose ME, Eboni in fulfilling those roles. So I started on purpose taking time to do things that I enjoy. Listening to music, singing at the top of my breath......(when no one is around of course), going out with friends. Friendships are so important and for awhile I had stopped investing in personal relationships. I realize now that I need girlfriends, people I can talk to, laugh and vent with. God places people in our lives as a blessing so I started to take time out to nurture these relationships. I reached out to friends from the past thanks to Face Book lol, and even made a new friend.

The point I am making is when I lost me, I stopped enjoying life. Everything isn't perfect in my life not by far, BUT there are a lot of GOOD things, blessings that I have, and when I began to on purpose take time to enjoy these blessings, even enjoy me, guess what........ I actually began to ENJOY LIFE!!!!

So today I went with a friend of mine to see the movie" Eat, Pray, Love". It was a pretty good movie. I will say definitely a chick flick and to some, as my husband would say it may be "eyeball fall out boring". He says the movies I watch are shoot yourself boring. Well, I was intrigued by the concept of this movie when I saw the previews. The idea of being able to take a year off from life, travel and enjoy life, drew me in. Especially because of where I was in my life when I first saw the preview a few months back.

Some of you may not know but I am married to a Pastor. He is 33 and I am 31 and we do NOT live the life of a 30 year old. We have soooooo much responsibility on our shoulders, responsibility and pressure. Actually doing this job makes me respect exactly what Jesus accomplished. He was our age and had literally the weight of the world on his shoulders. Anyway, back to the movie. When I saw the preview I wanted to see it because at the time I wasn't enjoying life. I was bored, bored with the mundane of life. I was caught up in the day to day process of living and paying bills. (Let me put this disclaimer in here for my husband, TECHNICALLY I don't pay the bills he does, BUT......you get what I mean) LOL. Even as Pastors we can get so busy with the day to day of being a pastor, the business and behind the scenes of it all, that we get off focus of what's important. Thankfully God ministered to me and I am not in that place anymore.

So Liz (the character in the movie), realizes that she is unhappy and sets off to find herself. I actually think that is true of soooo many women. We either loose ourselves in our husbands, or life, raising a family, our jobs, you name it. Now I don't advocate taking a year off from life because we have people depending on us, BUT I am all for finding our true selves. Getting to know us.

I had gotten out of touch with me, kind of lost myself in John, my family, and my role as a wife and mother. Don't get me wrong my husband and children are the most important people to me, but I realized that I don't have to loose ME, Eboni in fulfilling those roles. So I started on purpose taking time to do things that I enjoy. Listening to music, singing at the top of my breath......(when no one is around of course), going out with friends. Friendships are so important and for awhile I had stopped investing in personal relationships. I realize now that I need girlfriends, people I can talk to, laugh and vent with. God places people in our lives as a blessing so I started to take time out to nurture these relationships. I reached out to friends from the past thanks to Face Book lol, and even made a new friend.

The point I am making is when I lost me, I stopped enjoying life. Everything isn't perfect in my life not by far, BUT there are a lot of GOOD things, blessings that I have, and when I began to on purpose take time to enjoy these blessings, even enjoy me, guess what........ I actually began to ENJOY LIFE!!!!

Who AM I?

So who am I? Well I am still figuring that one out. Some of the answer to that question I know and some of it I am still learning. Actually discovering would be a better word. I discover more about myself every day. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I am so many things. I love music all kinds. I love LOVE. So I love love songs and movies. Whether it is love songs about my heavenly father or love music about a mate. I love love and the idea of being in love and loving others. I am a happy ending, glass half full type of girl. Hopeful romantic.

I am so thankful for grace because religion will have you cut out all music that isn't "gospel" when in actuality a lot of the so called "gospel" music isn't gospel. If it isn't talking about Jesus and what he did for us or who we are in him then it can't be classified as "gospel". LOL It can be classified inspirational, but not "gospel".

So back to telling you about me. I am a woman on a journey. Discovering who I am, who I was created to be, The REAL me. I have so many roles, but I am learning that if I allow God into every area of my life, share everything with him, not just the spiritual stuff, BUT everything.........only then I can really experience HIM as God. If we just give our good sides our so called "holy" sides to God then we don't fully get to experience him as God and we miss out on the best part of Him. The loving, always accepting, forgiving, patient side of him. Forgiveness is freeing. Acceptance is freeing and I am enjoying that freedom.

Life doesn't happen within the four walls of a church. Life happens everyday and if we think that the only way we can have relationship with God is when we are praying or doing something that is so called "holy".... then we miss out on so much with him.

So right now I am at a place where I am enjoying life. Things don't always happen as I expected but God is always there with me bringing about good in my life. I am taking time to be grateful and enjoy what he has blessed me with. I also discovered something about myself which I will share on the next blog post......for now I was answering the question WHO AM I? Well I am ME. Loved by God and forgiven. And that's the best place I can be. :-)

So who am I? Well I am still figuring that one out. Some of the answer to that question I know and some of it I am still learning. Actually discovering would be a better word. I discover more about myself every day. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I am so many things. I love music all kinds. I love LOVE. So I love love songs and movies. Whether it is love songs about my heavenly father or love music about a mate. I love love and the idea of being in love and loving others. I am a happy ending, glass half full type of girl. Hopeful romantic.

I am so thankful for grace because religion will have you cut out all music that isn't "gospel" when in actuality a lot of the so called "gospel" music isn't gospel. If it isn't talking about Jesus and what he did for us or who we are in him then it can't be classified as "gospel". LOL It can be classified inspirational, but not "gospel".

So back to telling you about me. I am a woman on a journey. Discovering who I am, who I was created to be, The REAL me. I have so many roles, but I am learning that if I allow God into every area of my life, share everything with him, not just the spiritual stuff, BUT everything.........only then I can really experience HIM as God. If we just give our good sides our so called "holy" sides to God then we don't fully get to experience him as God and we miss out on the best part of Him. The loving, always accepting, forgiving, patient side of him. Forgiveness is freeing. Acceptance is freeing and I am enjoying that freedom.

Life doesn't happen within the four walls of a church. Life happens everyday and if we think that the only way we can have relationship with God is when we are praying or doing something that is so called "holy".... then we miss out on so much with him.

So right now I am at a place where I am enjoying life. Things don't always happen as I expected but God is always there with me bringing about good in my life. I am taking time to be grateful and enjoy what he has blessed me with. I also discovered something about myself which I will share on the next blog post......for now I was answering the question WHO AM I? Well I am ME. Loved by God and forgiven. And that's the best place I can be. :-)

Forever Forgiven

I decided to start blogging. Basically to express my thoughts, and because I believe my life is ministry. I believe I can encourage others as God encourages me. So........ that's why I am blogging. First let me tell you a little about myself. To know me is to know that I love God. He is very important to me and has been for a very long time. Before you freak out or tune me out......you need to know that I am not preachery and am not interested in being fake or wearing a facade. I will be the real me and allow others to see that God loves us just as we are. We don't have to pretend with him or for others.

Having a relationship with God or as you will hear me refer to him as (The Father) is not AT all about what SO many people make it about. We try to put God in a box and put all these rules on a relationship with him. I am threw with that. I used to do that but since I have learned about grace and exactly what Jesus accomplished for me on the cross, I no longer relate to God like that. The point of this blog is to allow you to view a relationship between a girl and her heavenly father. You will see me just as I am and see HIM in my life just as he is. You may think this will be boring but I promise it won't. If you allow me I will take you on a journey as God does some AMAZING things in my life.

I titled this post "FOREVER FORGIVEN", because no matter where I find myself and what kind of day I have had.....whether I've done most things right or not many things right that day. I am right now and will always be forever forgiven and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for Jesus because he made a way for me to have relationship with the father regardless of what I have done. And boy do I NEED that. My soul needs that. So come on and go with me as we explore life through the eyes of a girl who is FOREVER FORGIVEN!!! :-)

I decided to start blogging. Basically to express my thoughts, and because I believe my life is ministry. I believe I can encourage others as God encourages me. So........ that's why I am blogging. First let me tell you a little about myself. To know me is to know that I love God. He is very important to me and has been for a very long time. Before you freak out or tune me out......you need to know that I am not preachery and am not interested in being fake or wearing a facade. I will be the real me and allow others to see that God loves us just as we are. We don't have to pretend with him or for others.

Having a relationship with God or as you will hear me refer to him as (The Father) is not AT all about what SO many people make it about. We try to put God in a box and put all these rules on a relationship with him. I am threw with that. I used to do that but since I have learned about grace and exactly what Jesus accomplished for me on the cross, I no longer relate to God like that. The point of this blog is to allow you to view a relationship between a girl and her heavenly father. You will see me just as I am and see HIM in my life just as he is. You may think this will be boring but I promise it won't. If you allow me I will take you on a journey as God does some AMAZING things in my life.

I titled this post "FOREVER FORGIVEN", because no matter where I find myself and what kind of day I have had.....whether I've done most things right or not many things right that day. I am right now and will always be forever forgiven and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for Jesus because he made a way for me to have relationship with the father regardless of what I have done. And boy do I NEED that. My soul needs that. So come on and go with me as we explore life through the eyes of a girl who is FOREVER FORGIVEN!!! :-)