14 Years and Counting: Honest Look Into Marriage and How We Make It Work.

Well it is that time again. This past June my husband and I celebrated 14 years of marriage. Gosh it does not seem like we have been married that long. I guess that is a good thing because it's a sign that I am not dreading our marriage because the years are flying by as opposed to drudging on. :-) I have to say over these 14 years of marriage I have learned a few things and I sit here in a place where I am content. My idea of marriage at 19 (the age I was when I got married) and my idea of marriage now 14 years later are totally different.

I used to think that marriage was this fairy tale relationship that you see on TV and in the movies, but it's not, actually it's better. Many people see my husband and I and they wonder what do we do to have a great marriage, and I have often thought about that as well. After much thought I think this is our secret... God first, then commitment and respect, in that order. My 19 year old self would have answered that by saying LOVE LOVE LOVE, but I now see it differently. My husband and I love each other as most couples who marry do, but it's not the love that will keep you together. There are couples who divorce everyday who love each other. I have noticed that regardless of what we go through we are committed to make this marriage work, and that commitment causes us to WORK through our issues. Commitment causes you to humble yourself and face some tough truths about yourself. It also encourages you to remain open to commit those things to the Lord, and allow him to work out of you. I think it is God working through us that causes us to love each other enough to work through the issues, but it's us who actually do the work. Marriage is not easy, and it has it's peaks and valleys, but if you will stay committed during the valley's you can make it back to the peaks.

You have to learn your spouse, as well as learn yourself. I think I have finally learned my husband and learned myself, and accepted him for who he is. These last few years have been a time of discovery and acceptance. When I got married, I married an idea of a person, but not the actual person. I think I was so enamored with the great things that I loved about my husband that I over looked our differences in hopes that he would change. If I would change one thing about our period of engagement that would be the thing I would change. I entered our marriage hoping he would change and not accepting him JUST AS HE IS. I said this in last years anniversary blog, that my husband and I are complete opposites personality wise and that causes conflict at times. However, even with the differences I have to say he is the perfect person for me. I have learned to appreciate the things that I love most about him and not focus so much on our differences. He is not perfect, I am not perfect, by far, and I am sure that we have many of the same issues that other marriages have, but even through that I would marry him all over again.

Instead of a fairy tale idea of my husband and our marriage, I now 14 years later have reached a place where I accept my husband as he is and am learning to love our differences. Even with us being complete opposites I can say what I appreciate most about my husband it is that he is solid. He is not flaky or a fly by night. I can count on him to be consistent, to be a man of his word, and to be a rock. He is SOLID. He isn't perfect, he makes mistakes, but even in his mistakes I ALWAYS know he loves me, respects me and will ultimately do right by me and our children.

                                  I can say he is my life partner and I will love him for life. 

Well it is that time again. This past June my husband and I celebrated 14 years of marriage. Gosh it does not seem like we have been married that long. I guess that is a good thing because it's a sign that I am not dreading our marriage because the years are flying by as opposed to drudging on. :-) I have to say over these 14 years of marriage I have learned a few things and I sit here in a place where I am content. My idea of marriage at 19 (the age I was when I got married) and my idea of marriage now 14 years later are totally different.

I used to think that marriage was this fairy tale relationship that you see on TV and in the movies, but it's not, actually it's better. Many people see my husband and I and they wonder what do we do to have a great marriage, and I have often thought about that as well. After much thought I think this is our secret... God first, then commitment and respect, in that order. My 19 year old self would have answered that by saying LOVE LOVE LOVE, but I now see it differently. My husband and I love each other as most couples who marry do, but it's not the love that will keep you together. There are couples who divorce everyday who love each other. I have noticed that regardless of what we go through we are committed to make this marriage work, and that commitment causes us to WORK through our issues. Commitment causes you to humble yourself and face some tough truths about yourself. It also encourages you to remain open to commit those things to the Lord, and allow him to work out of you. I think it is God working through us that causes us to love each other enough to work through the issues, but it's us who actually do the work. Marriage is not easy, and it has it's peaks and valleys, but if you will stay committed during the valley's you can make it back to the peaks.

You have to learn your spouse, as well as learn yourself. I think I have finally learned my husband and learned myself, and accepted him for who he is. These last few years have been a time of discovery and acceptance. When I got married, I married an idea of a person, but not the actual person. I think I was so enamored with the great things that I loved about my husband that I over looked our differences in hopes that he would change. If I would change one thing about our period of engagement that would be the thing I would change. I entered our marriage hoping he would change and not accepting him JUST AS HE IS. I said this in last years anniversary blog, that my husband and I are complete opposites personality wise and that causes conflict at times. However, even with the differences I have to say he is the perfect person for me. I have learned to appreciate the things that I love most about him and not focus so much on our differences. He is not perfect, I am not perfect, by far, and I am sure that we have many of the same issues that other marriages have, but even through that I would marry him all over again.

Instead of a fairy tale idea of my husband and our marriage, I now 14 years later have reached a place where I accept my husband as he is and am learning to love our differences. Even with us being complete opposites I can say what I appreciate most about my husband it is that he is solid. He is not flaky or a fly by night. I can count on him to be consistent, to be a man of his word, and to be a rock. He is SOLID. He isn't perfect, he makes mistakes, but even in his mistakes I ALWAYS know he loves me, respects me and will ultimately do right by me and our children.

                                  I can say he is my life partner and I will love him for life.